Wish I’d found this at the beginning of the blog…..

I started reading a book by C.S. Lewis, The Problem of Pain. In the preface he says:

“When Mr. Ashley Sampson suggested to me the writing of this book, I asked leave to be allowed to write it anonymously, since, if I were to say what I really thought about pain, I should be forced to make statements of such apparent fortitude that they would become ridiculous if anyone knew who made them. Anonymity was rejected as inconsistent with the series; but Mr. Sampson pointed out that I could write a preface explaining that I did not live up to my own principles!”

I do indeed feel, especially after re-reading what I have written over the last 4 months, that I indeed should have written a preface to the blog stating that I do not live up to my own principles. Lewis goes on to say:

“Let me confess at once, in the words of good Walter Hilton, that throughout this book ‘I feel myself so far from true feeling of that I speak, that I can naught else but cry mercy and desire after it as I may.”

I believe this is what I’ve been doing these last few months. Asking God for mercy and the desire to know him in and believe what he says about these things.

“…for I have never for one moment been in a state of mind to which even the imagination of serious pain was less than intolerable. If any man is safe from the danger of under-estimating this adversary, I am that man.”

Did I tell you in the beginning that I have “hidden”, run from, tried to stay safe from pain my entire life? It probably would have been good to write that in the preface of this blog too.

“…I was never fool enough to suppose myself qualified, nor have I anything to offer my readers except my conviction that when pain is to be borne, a little courage helps more than much knowledge, a little human sympathy more than much courage, and the least tincture of the love of God more than all.”

I don’t know that I share all of Lewis’ convictions but I do know that the Bible speaks often of God’s steadfast love. It is that love that I’ve been seeking as my solace these last few months. Even the smallest drop of that love is an ocean of comfort.

So, all this to say that I am no expert. I speak out of faith in a God who has revealed himself to us in the Bible. Some days my faith is strong, some days it is weak but everyday I strive to stay grounded in the truth of what God says about himself.

By God’s grace growing up to live what I believe,

jane